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The Lives of Older Lesbians: Sexuality, Identity & the Life Course

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Could it be that because queer relationships are already outside the norm in terms of gender, we’re more willing to venture outside the norm in terms of age? So I respect older single lesbians, “solos,” who choose to focus on their family, their art, their friends and community, rather than on dating and romance. Wake up in the midst of a wet dream, in which I’d just had an argument with a boyfriend and was locked in a bathroom, with family yelling outside, masturbating. Yearning for her first sexual experience, her curiosity is aroused when she reads in the news about a woman exposing herself in a nearby wood.

Sometimes lesbian community is harder to come by for older lesbians, who are often estranged from our birth families, and whose chosen families may have died. But it’s also true that for many older lesbians, the desire to have more of what matters most in life — emotional connection, meaning, intimacy, affection, and, yes, sensuality and sex — is still as present at 80 as it ever was. I meet a guy wearing a very cool custom leather coat, but it’s hot and sticky out, so I assume he’s more interested in looking “cool” than actually being cool. I imagined myself, hours later, embracing her, tearing off my clothes for her and feeling my body against hers, holding her and kissing her mouth endlessly. As long as we're not harming anywhere, it’s legal and consensual of course, then what's the problem?

Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or to other works of fiction, is purely coincidental. Picture this, a 60 year-old woman (I just learned her age which I can’t believe) and a 30-year old lesbian (very much the OUT, soft-butch type), talking, for something like 30 minutes about the boss, and then for 3 hours, and the 30 year-old is totally turned on, and the 60 year-old very eager to know her better (or so she said several times). I know if I followed my heart with a much older woman that I'd just leave her in the end for a younger woman because I will lose attraction when she gets too old. At the end of the day, these people in your life care about you and ultimately need to understand that the other is worthy of respect. I lie there wondering if that’s what Annie Sprinkle means when she talks about “thinking herself off.

I’ve been kinda crushing on him, mostly because he’s the only new single guy I’ve been spending any significant time with.had become her catchphrase to the world, but as far as she was concerned, they would be waiting a long time.

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