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Posted 20 hours ago

He's Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe In Himself

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I am sure my 12 year old will be very happy now that I will no longer be a walking self-help book giving him advise at every turn, and letting him learn his life-lessons from living his own life. This was a great eye-opening book for me and such a relief to find a clear way to explain exactly how I feel. This is the first and only parenting book that was even slightly familiar with what we deal with daily. There is always one idea that you had not considered, or a new vocabulary you needed to have conversations with your teen son.

This is especially true for boys who are known to be very smart -- instead of dealing with the anxiety and potential of failure, he takes the "opt-out" route.I don't agree with everything the author said, but I listened and am now armed with additional knowledge and ways to help/cope/work with each of them as they grow. I am the father of a very successful daughter whose achievements were gained through hard work with little prompting from my wife and me. In our silly hyper competitive race for achievement in schools, we sometimes lose the engagement of SOME kids. There is one big shortfall though - even though the author does mention ASD, ADHD, and executive function issues, if your teen son is having difficulties in school and life because he is not neurotypical this book is not for you. Shame is one of the most powerful and negative emotions for teens and can lead to damage in your relationship if you shame him when he already feels overwhelmed and stressed.

I'm at work every day by 8 and my commute is longer so I don't see the issue with starting at 730 or 8. This book can help you become an ally with your son, as he discovers greater self-confidence and accepts responsibility for his future. Honestly, I never thought that having the amazing opportunity of witnessing the transition of my son becoming an adult was going to drive me crazy, to make me doubt myself in one year more than I have during my whole life, to make me want to give up, run away and hide for the next 10 years. I may be interpreting certain actions incorrectly as well as taking things personally when they don’t have anything to do with me as a parent.

No magic pill , real advice for parents who want to WORK to change their relationship with their child and truly help him. The demands on a teenager today are more intense than when we were teenagers, mostly in the academic sense. If you name a consequence, be prepared to enforce it, regardless of your son's complaints and threats.

The central premise of He’s Not Lazy is that what looks like laziness, lack of self-discipline and lack of motivation on the outside is actually a deep-rooted ambivalence about trying his hardest that springs from hidden issues like insecurity and fear of failure.

Also, and importantly, they have some kind of issues where they are super immersed in their kid's life, like they get all their self-esteem from their kids accomplishments. It's written for middle/upper class parents who have somehow managed to find themselves with nearly no idea how adolescent development works. Frankly, I hadn't realized that a book like this needed to be written, but I guess that's my privilege speaking. Good advice about taking a step back and giving your son room to fail as a means of growing toward independence.

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